Here I am, just blogging away at midnight. NO, it’s 1 am….geeeez. I SHOULD be sleeping, but I’m obviously not. It’s like a late night journal entry. I can’t remember the last time I wrote, just to write. I’m not good at it, wish I was, should probably try it more often.  Life has been crazy lately. But in the best crazy way there could be.  I’m finally at that “busy” place that I’ve been dreaming about for so long.  I’m seeing goals and dreams become reality and I just might cry, actually I am.  Don’t worry, it’s a good cry. I’m an emotional sappy kinda girl!  I just need this time to reflect on what God has done in my life.  He’s opened so many doors, closed SO MANY MORE, to bring me RIGHT HERE. Right in this moment.  It’s right where I need to be.  For once I’m not feeling uneasy or unsettled about where my life is heading.  I’m happy.  So thankful for the adventures I’ve had, the friends I’ve made along the way, adventures that are yet to come, the people who have yet to walk into my life.  SO thankful for unanswered prayers.  Turns out I DON’T know what’s best for me!! Life definitely didn’t turn out the way I thought it would, nor WILL IT.  I know God has this in His hands.

This isn’t even what I wanted to write about. I’m just writing and it’s going it own place. Nice!  So lately I’ve been to A LOT of weddings. I guess it goes along with the job!   To be completely honest, some FEEL like work. I get so caught up in doing my job- thinking about my light, shadows, exposure, blah blah blah.  I have to stop and remind myself of WHY I’m there. To document their love.  What an honor!!! The most important day in someone’s life, and I get to witness it.  Life is so short and unknown, pictures make memories last generations.  I know, I just spent time going through old Polaroids with my mom of when she was a baby. Yesterday I got to be at a wedding, as a guest for once.  So nice. Don’t get me wrong, love photographing weddings, but I LOVED just sitting and watching them give their vows.  I cried. Like a baby.  I cry every time the bride walks down the aisle and everyone stands up.  Feels so official and loving.

If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile now you might remember way back when, when I started a Bible study with my Grandma and two cousins.  It was AMAZING. Totally life changing. I view things so differently,  grew up some, and read my Bible with a deeper understanding.  My Grandma is an amazing woman of God, completely inspires me and I know a lot of other woman.  She puts 110% into EVERYTHING she does. I WISH I did that.  I’ll never forget the things we learned during those nine weeks, about ourselves, about each other, and about how much God loves us.  He is our PERFECT LOVE.  Grandma gave us a gift every week that went along with that weeks theme in our study.  I have my verse that she gave me as one of my life verses sitting right next to me on my desk.
“I am my beloved’s and His desire is towards me.” Song of Solomon 7:10

Hmmmm, sorry this is completely random and scatter-brained. It’s been one of those days.  My to-do list is a million miles long, but I’m not stressed about it, Thank You Sweet Baby Jesus! I just needed some time to write out all the chatter in my brain and spend some time in His presence, and writing helps that.  I found this song today on another photographer’s blog. They used it in their wedding video and it was perfect!! Needless to say I’ve been listening to it ALL DAY and there’s a reason I just happen to find it today.  This verse has been on my heart {and brain} for the past couple of days…and then it was at the wedding I went to as a guest.  Yeah, God’s timing is Perfect. So is His love.

“There is no fear in love. But {perfect love} drives out fear” -1 John 4:18

Amazing.

Update on the past couple-o-days

Sunday: Church was good. Pizza after church was amazing. Hanging out with my cousin Becky and her boyfriend Tyler was fun. [I have such a way with words] I carry my baby (my camera) every where I go. I feel cool doing it, and who knows when something amazing is going to happen!! So I photographed Tyler making delicious scones for us, and  then dinner, which was also delicious. Then a group of friends came over to eat that delicious dinner. We laughed a lot. We joked a lot. We ate those amazing scones and drank tea like British people. We watched Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Apparently this has been going on for awhile and I missed the first 5 movies, which kinda makes me sad. I’ll have to start my own Harry Potter marathon, which reminds me that I forgot to borrow Tyler’s movies…Dang!  Long story short. I’m so happy to be social again. While I lived in CA, my friends were all I had, so we were together all the time. Doing something fun every night!! I missed it so much! Ever since I moved back to MT, I wasn’t getting plugged into anything and being a bum who sits at home and just works all the time. So, to my new friends: Be prepared to hang out a lot. I like to watch a lot of movies and do random things

Monday: I was seriously craving a chai tea latte, and when I finally got one, it was gross.  I went to the gym for the first time….ever. I’ve never worked out in a public place like that, but my friend Natalie and I got 2 month memberships to the Wave for $20, so might as well take advantage of that! And guess what, I liked it! I can’t wait to go back tonight! I probably should eat more than a doughnut [ohhh the irony in that] in a day when I do cardio for an hour….I fell asleep at ten that night! Took allll my energy. Besides that, Monday wasn’t very eventful.

Tuesday: I finally cleaned up my room. I spent too much time on pinterest.com, but got totally inspired! So I stopped everything I was doing, and painted my closet door with chalk board paint!! I’m filling it up with funny, inspirational, random things. Actually, it’s already full, I need to keep painting my other doors   Also, I started a Bible study with my amazing grandma and my cousins Becky and Meghan. GOOD STUFF. We’re studying the book of Esther, which is very near and dear to all our hearts. We started so open and honest already and I can’t wait to see the good things that are going to come out of this ten week study. I’ll try to blog what I learn weekly, it helps me remember what happened and what I got out of it, if I have to find the words to describe it. So last night: We talked about when the story of  Esther became important to us.  We all had something so different to say which was already an eye opener to me. Becky took it as, Esther got something so wonderful out of a hard life. I won’t dwell too much here, I’ll save it for later. Meghan, that Esther left a legacy and was a true woman of God, even while living in a pagen world. I took it as Esther finding her destiny in God. She lived with impeccable faith. This life was dumped into her lap, probably not in her plans to become Queen over the strongest empire in the world, but she didn’t question it, and ended up saving an entire nation!

Esther is so my favorite story in the Bible, the one I can always get something new out of every time I read it, and the one I read when I don’t know what to read. I’ve dedicated this year to facing my fears. First I had to figure out what those fears were [future blog post] and one of them was actually growing in Christ. Of course it’s something I want, but I was almost afraid of what He would reveal to me, or what He would place on my heart to do. Maybe something brave, something that would take a lot of faith, to take a stand….but I really have nothing to fear. It’s allll good. I can’t fail with God on my side <3 Even last night was far beyond our expectations.  So what if I kept living with that in mind, only GOOD things can come out of it! YAY!

“…for such a time as this.”

"hold the scone like a girl"

you had me at “bacon wrapped”

Shout out to my friend Rob!

We cried A LOT

Oh yeah, my cat had her kittens Friday morning They are the sweetest little things EVER

I put my prom dress on the other night, cause it makes me feel pretty